Aftershocks. No sleepy, too much thinky

Well I can't sleep.. cos my mind won't shut up. Earlier I was feeling a lot of fear and anger. Hopelessness. Helplessness. A whole dictionary of words. Just sitting at my computer.. watching the news. As I have been since I woke up at 9 am yesterday morning. It's kind of comforting.. but it's just the same info over and over and over.. Maybe I need to hear it a million times. To get it through my head. That this happened. All of those people are gone. The indestructible US has a boo boo. I get to thinking about what it means to live in my country. What it means to be a citizen. I was born in this country. When you're born into a country, do you have no choice but to defend it? No choice but to be proud of where you come from? I don't always agree with the things the United State does. I don't necessarily like our President. I bitch about laws and policies that are "unfair". Roll my eyes at taxes. But I know that compared to others around the world I don't have it bad. I think it's horrible when people around the world die needlessly, and I know it happens every day. Reporters could get on the air and relay tragedies 24 hours a day and still would not be able to cover all of the sad and disgusting things that happen in this world. The attack on the US is just a speck, a dot, among the terrible things that take place. But did thousands of innocent people at work deserve to die? Does any country deserve to have their own planes turned against them? I have no choice but to feel for my country, and feel to defend it.War has been mentioned. I seriously think war is a possibility. Terrorists have dangled a carrot in front of the US. Dropped an invitation in our laps. US buildings around the world have had several attacks in the recent past, and I think by attacking the country directly it's the final straw. I never wanted to believe I could be around for a possible World War III. Desert Storm was when I was in Elementary school.. but now I'm of age and that means my brother, my boyfriend, my friends, my cousin.. could all be shipped out. War is nasty and there are already too many problems going on in the world.. but how can this be resolved? A hippie love-in and a handshake won't mend this.I've been reading a lot of diaries tonight and this morning. Trying to figure out what the world thinks and feels. I've found that more people have compassion than hatred. I'm amazed at the support and love being flooded from people around the world; people I don't even know and I will never see. People who aren't even here, but feel it as if it was their own city; as if it was their own reality. I want to let these people know that the compassion is a two-way street, and in their times of need and concern the love is just an ocean away. I wish I could hug everyone who had kind words and say thank you. So I guess thank you! ::Hugs::More than anything I wonder if the Pentagon and Towers are it. What if there is more to come? The fourth plane crashed into a field, so we may never know what building it was targeting. Possibly a second attack on the Pentagon, or an attack on the White House. Maybe some other monument, or an airforce base. It's not necessarily the earthquake, but the aftershocks. The quake hit. Now where could something hit next, what if there's something hidden or yet to come. There could be another attack tomorrow; there could be an attack in a month. I don't know who is responsible for the attack, but I do know they killed 266 people on commercial flights, an estimated 800 at the Pentagon, thousands in the Twin Towers, and an estimated 200 rescue people. I hope the terrorists pay dearly.I sit here.. and I just don't know what to think or say. Why do countries even have to "attack" each other or use force? Why do we have to have high security? Why did our high security fail? How can our country be secure? I just know that I'm awake, but like a zombie. History is just going to keep repeating itself, isn't it? I guess I'm just going to sit here until the sun comes up.. and go hang my American flag in front of my house.