Candles and cake and daisychains

My days are all mixed up, so I don't know what the hell I'm typing about which day. Lets just say since I've last written I've done a lot of sitting around, some job hunting and shopping, and I went in to get my first ever "female exam" (and yes, it hurt a little ;( ). The weather is a little nicer than it has been.. go figure. Summer is supposed to be over and the freakin' sun is out and shining. Where's the rain and clouds?! But I guess the Fall sun is nice to look at. I just have two more weeks and then I have to go back to school.. blah. Sometimes I really love school and sometimes I really hate it. And of course, I always hate traffic, cars, people and being in public. I just hope I don't have a heart attack trying to tackle 21 credits this quarter. I have no idea if Lisa has made a registration appointment; I just know she was waiting on her transcripts to come in from her previous school.I keep looking for a job. But nothing! I am the virus of the working world I guess. I'm giving up on Best Buy, their system seems stupid. Yankee Candle is supposed to call by next month with seasonal work. I have a couple of other options available, but it's like shit I've been looking for a job since the end of May. I tried typing up a resume yesterday, but I didn't have much to put on it. I have no skills and not a lot of job experience. No clubs, no awards, no volunteer experience. I figure I'll start volunteering somewhere once a week.. get some volunteer credits. B is back in school. He's not too happy with going 4 days a week, but at least he'll get some of his required stuff out of the way. He's gone on some interviews so hopefully he'll have a job soon and we can start putting away some money. I was PMS and bitchy to him yesterday, which made me annoyed at myself. I love him a lot and he's the only guy who has never given me a load of bullshit, so hurting him hurts me. I'm glad he can put up with me and he still wants to stick with me.Tomorrow is my mom's Birthday, so I need to bake a cake and go find some candles and buy the last of her present, plus go check on some jobs and then surprise her on her lunch break. Busy busy..

Looking at clouds

I haven't been up to too much. Surprised?My parents went out of town for the weekend to camp with neighbors. Aaron and I decided the weather would probably be crappy over there, and we didn't feel like being away for three days just to sit around and play cards and eat peanuts, so we stayed home. B called me on Saturday and we talked for awhile. I know it makes him really happy to hear my voice, it means a lot to him. Just can't afford to do it that often. That night I started to clean out the attic since it's always such a mess. My parents just throw shit in there and then we can never find anything. So I started to put Holiday decorations in one section, furniture in another, empty boxes in one, etc. Sunday morning I finished cleaning it out, and it looks good now. On Sunday Aaron decided to switch his furniture in his room around, so he did that. He's been trying to clean his room for three weeks or so now, and still has not been able to do it. He threw some stuff in the attic today that didn't fall in the designated spaces I made, so that irritated me :P and I had to place his crap where it "belongs." I also started decorating these old tins my mom has. I figured I could make them into candle holders. Lately I just get all worked up and I'm super hyper and I need "projects" to work on, so I decorate things or work on my scarf. I still need to tackle my hundreds of poems/songs and put them into a notebook, but it'll take forever because I have to sort them out by year and make sure all of the copies are together and check for changes I've made on them.Today in the Pacific Northwest magazine there was an article about a local author who wrote a book about Kurt Cobain, so I read that. I still find Kurt Cobain to be one of the most fascinating people I have ever heard of, and I find his life to be mysterious, chilling and sad. I don't know why I feel so close to his story, but I do. There's a part of me that keeps thinking he has to be alive, hidden away somewhere, and someday he'll resurface and then people will be able to say "wow, your life was really something."Tomorrow I'm back on the job hunt. I turned an application into Yankee Candle on Friday. The job is supposedly nights and Saturday night. Hopefully they'll give me a call since I have seasonal experience, but I still need to keep looking, anyway, since I've been unsuccessful so far. B has an interview, himself, tomorrow. The CC sent me a letter saying I owe another freakin' $30 in lab fees.. It's amazing that all of these money changes keep popping up. I thought I was in CC, not University. It's supposed to be cheap!

Sunny days.. why won't the unemployment just go away

The last few days the weather has been decent. I went out and laid in the sun one day. I wish it would just turn to Fall, though, instead of this lame Summer weather. It's just cloudy, then it's sunny and hot, then rainy. I'd rather just have a cool Autumn with rain and leaves and have that nice smell in the air.Over the weekend my brother talked to my cousin Valarie. She was saying things like she wishes she had gone to school, so she's going to try to get into school, and she's on sick leave from work, and her roommate is also pregnant so she hopes their two kids can be best friends, and her mother-in-law doesn't support her, and her husband wants her to move back to PA with him. It just makes me mad that she was engaged and screwed it all up by not going on birth control, so she got pregnant out of wedlock and then ends up eloping with the guy and now all of a sudden she wants to have the kid and dump it off at the babysitters so she can go to school. It's very irresponsible. My aunt (her stop-mom) is very angry about being a "grandmother", so to rub it in we're going to mail her a license plate for Christmas that says "Happiness is being a grandma."My grandma called this morning and left a message stating that my aunt is coming into town for the weekend, and my other aunt is going to drive up from the South end, so she wanted to know if we wanted to get together with all of them. I'm like uh.. I dunno. My parents are going to be out of town, so that leaves me to decide if I'm going to be nice and represent our branch.My great aunt sent a letter with some pictures of our family from Christmas '93. In the card she mentioned that she and my great uncle are going off to Spain, England, Canada, etc. soon. I told my mom they're probably taking the money from the logged family property (that is supposed to go towards the care for my great grandma) and using it for their own amusement.I went and filled out a job application but never got a call back. I filled out an online application for another place and went in for an interview today, but the place of business isn't going to open up until the end of September and they can't guarentee any jobs, so I'm just going to continue my search and hope someone will fucking hire me before I turn 30. Lisa went down to try and get student housing for school, but it didn't work out so she's going to be attending community college with me for at least a semester. I'm going to try and type up all of my poems/songs and their alternate versions so I can put them in notebooks and keep track of them. Whenever I go through and read things I've written it's amazing to me.. I've written some really ugly and passionate stuff.I found some furniture that I want in a K-Mart ad.. so today I transferred some money so I can go buy it. I figure if I can stock things up now it'll be an easier transition when I actually do go to move later on.*Pay more. Expect less. State Farm.*

I'm calming down?

Yesterday I woke up and hung around the house. Figured I'd try and work on some art projects or writing or *something* creative that I used to do. My biggest accomplishment was cleaning up my closet. I also started to decorate a bottle. I've done two bottles, so I thought well why not add a third. I'm not really sure what to use them for; maybe vases or candle holders.My family was acting very nutty. I had a lot of laughs yesterday, though, so it was a good thing. My family went out to dinner, but I wasn't in the mood to leave the house. So I hung out and talked to B. He turned on the webcam for awhile, so I got to see his cute little face. I also updated my real diary, which often goes untouched. I think I pour myself into these online diaries and then there isn't anything left for my real diary, which is the one that will get passed down through my family. Today I woke up really late (grrr I hate that) and watched tv. Took a shower. I was going to go over and see Lisa since she's leaving tomorrow, but she called (from in front of the house) before I had a chance to finish getting ready. So she came in and we talked for awhile. Then she left to go finish packing and do those last minute things. If she can't find school housing at her new school she's just going to come back and live here for half a year and attend the CC with me (which would be very cool). If she stayed then she'd be here for Fall, which means we could go to the pumpkin patch and do all of the cool Fall things.I'm in a cleaning mood. Sometimes I just feel so neat and tidy, and I want to organize everything and make it look nice. I really hope I don't drive B nuts with my tidybowl girl hysteria. Today I feel calm, though, compared to how I was a couple days ago. Hyper as can be with adrenaline pumping a mile a minute.Tomorrow my brother is taking my car to work while his is in the shop. It's like okay that puts the job search on delay for a day.. blah.

Big pink pig

On the 15th Lisa and I went and saw Legally Blonde. It was a cute movie, not hilarious like they made it sound in commercials, but cute. Afterwards we went and had some fries at McDonald's. It was good to hang out with Lisa.. I don't do much with people so when I do it's like woah.. activities. We pretty much sat there and talked about school and made fun of people.On the 16th I woke up and felt like crap.. had an attack of my-period-came-early and cramps. Threw some clothes on and went to the dentist. He said my teeth were looking good. Took an x-ray of my mouth and determined I only have three wisdom teeth, and they're still pretty far up, so no need to worry about removing them as of yet.Went home.. spent the day laying around the house feeling nasty.Today I woke up and watched some TV. Jenny Jones was boring today. Seems like every time I'm home some stupid show is on, not anything cool like chics with plastic surgery who think they're all that, or out of control teens. Took a shower. Did some laundry. Talked to my B (who is *very* sexy, by the way). We discussed future plans, like school and his moving and visiting. Just the mention of that kind of stuff makes me happy.. it feels so good to know someone is on the same page as you. We looked into some moving costs (which is majorly jumping ahead of ourselves..) but I'd be dying of curiosity if we didn't. Grade report came in the mail. Oh sweet grades of mine. Oh yeah.. my mom has a flat tire so she took "my" car today. She didn't want to make dinner tonight (which was technically last night since it's 1 am)and since I wouldn't run to McDonald's for her she had a tantrum and locked herself in her room. After the big dinner debate I talked to B again and he said lots of cute little things that made me happy. I wish I could have his cuddles.*Pay more. Expect less. State Farm.*

Oh yeah..*P...

Oh yeah..*Pay more. Expect less. State Farm.*

Made the grade

Last night I did some knitting for my scarf. Today I got up and hung around the house. Went and laid out in the sun for awhile, then vacuumed and washed the car. Woo, finally got the chores out of the way. :P The mail came and still no tests. Grrr. After that I took a shower and got online to talk to my man (yesterday I said I was picking up on his grammar, etc., but it's not entirely from him, my mom makes up words and does things that contribute to the loss of writing ability). Anywho, so I talked to my man for awhile and Lisa and I made plans to go see a movie tomorrow. I'm very broke.. I need a job bad. Going out = spending money, which = scary.My uncle called from GA. I guess my cousin has been having pretty bad morning sickness, so she'll probably be losing her job due to missed time. He said that my aunt (who is my cousin's stepmother) doesn't want to be the step-grandmother to the child, so she's just to be known as "the chic that's married to grandpa." Mmmhmm. It was already sad that my cousin got pregnant outside of marriage at such a young age, but it's even sadder that her own stepmother won't have a part in the child's life. My uncle kept saying that my brother should get a girl pregnant so he won't be the only grandfather in the group, but my brother and my parents aren't jumping at that idea.In other family news, I e-mailed my cousin in FL and asked how the family is doing over there. I also recently found out that the land the family cabin is on has been pretty much entirely logged, and the debris pushed up against the entrance to the trail that leads up to the top of the mountain. So not only is the entire area a vast wasteland of dirt and stumps, you can't even climb the mountain to see the surrounding view. I just can't believe my family sometimes.. My parents, brother and I have missed the last five or six family events, and I was kind of feeling guilty about it. But the more I think about my family, the more I'm glad I didn't go participate in their stupid little celebrations. Why waste the time. Today Elise popped into my head. It's August.. she's leaving in August. She said she wanted to see me before she left. Ahhh! I don't think she will stop by, but everytime the doorbell rings I'm like shit, where can I hide? I really do not want to see that girl. I told Justin, Lisa and my brother that we should all go down to Dick's though and get some food. If she's there, well we can pretend we don't know her and tell the manager we saw her lick our food. Lauren IMed me a couple of times.. the first time she said some stupid line, and I was getting ready to respond and she said what's taking so long bitch, and I was like whatever.. I'm not replying now. People used to call me "bitch" in highschool, which bothered me even then, but now it really bothers me and there's no way I'm going to answer to it. Some good news is that grades were finally posted online. Yay! I can shut up about grades now! I received A, A, A-. So three A's. I can live with that, that's good. I'm happy. I feel like I'm addicted to A's now though.. I think about those four classes I signed up for in Fall and I'm just thinking I have to get A's! All A's! Just hope my hyper energy will make it through a month off and then ten weeks of class.

Somet...

Sometimes I feel so stupid. You know what I've noticed? My grammar and spelling have gone downhill. I read some of the stuff I've written in my journals, and work I've done for school, and I want to just bang my head against the wall. I blame it on B.. ever since I've been talking to him I've picked up on his spelling, grammar, and phrasing. Thanks honey. ;)

A million things

Over the weekend I basically laid out in the sun. Yesterday my family packed up our crap and headed to the beach for the day (which is interesting with my family, because my dad feels the need to bring every damn gadget ever invented to the beach). We finally got there and settled in. There were, of course, some annoying people there with crying kids and barking dogs, but it actually wasn't too bad. Some mother behind us was too busy talking to her friend to pay attention to her kid. The poor baby sat there and kept crying "mommy" but the mom was just chatting away. The sunscreen I used was spf 15, but I still got burnt in some places and tanned unevenly. It was some pretty crappy stuff because it also made me break out into hives on my arms, legs, and chest.I keep checking the school website for my grades, but they haven't posted them yet. I should be getting my finals in the mail from my Psych classes. It's like come on, hurry, I want to know how I did. You bust your butt in your classes and you kind of want to know how you did. I now have six weeks off, so I'm going to try and relax I guess. I feel hyper though, like I need to take care of everything I haven't done in the last couple months. Everything from getting a job to repairing my camera to working on my art projects to updating my writing to studying my books. I don't know when I got so hyper over things.A few days ago our little fish died. She had been laying on the bottom of her bowl (it's actually a square..) and then she finally stopped moving and died. It's sad, but she did hold on a lot longer than our other fish.There's so much I want to do, but I don't have any damn money. And if I got a job I'd be too busy working to do anything with my money. Grrr? Grrr!*Pay more. Expect less. State Farm.*

My celebrity rant

Celebrities. What's up with them? Some of them are serious artists or activists, but some of them are just jokes. Take Britney Spears, for example. Take an average American girl, with average mousy hair, and an average sounding voice. Put her in sparkles and a tiny top, colored sun glasses and dye her hair. Put her in a push up bra, airbrush her skin and put her on the cover of Rolling Stone. Heavily promote her mediocre record of songs she didn't even write. There's your star. Mariah Carey. Ooooh she's *so* tired; had a breakdown. Gee, if I woke up every morning and had someone serve me my breakfast, do my hair and makeup, drive me around town, dress me up in a slutty outfit and prop me up in front of a tv camera with cue cards to read I'd probably be tired, too. Gimme a break. These people were just average until someone "discovered" them and then plastered them all over the media. Then little Suzie and Johnny take a liking to them, and then Suzie and Johnny's friends, and then their friends, and so goes the snowball of "stars." Think about it.. nowadays you see so many "stars" and music acts.. Mandy Moore, Jessica Simpson, Five, N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Eden's Crush, O-Town (what a dumb name), Dream, etc. Does that mean more and more talented people are being discovered? No. It just means more and more average people are being dolled up and put into show business. And I'm sick of seeing their airbrushed images and screaming fans everywhere. I'm sick of the media praising them. I'm sick of the N'Sync dolls and TRL mania. I'm sick of their lives being news. P Diddy goes on trial? Who cares?!Celebrities, get a real job!

Waitin' for the grade

Did I pass my finals? I think so.I didn't get as much studying done as I had wanted (but isn't that the way it always goes?) and I had a hard time concentrating.. so I just took some notes and went over my class notes before the tests. I finished my Abnormal test with 30 minutes to go before the Sex class stated, so I looked over my notes real quick and started in on the other test. I'm not sure how I did, but I know no matter what I will pass the classes and get an A; just maybe not a 4.0 as I had wanted. Afterwards I went to the bank and post office. Spent the day laying around with my mom and catching up on my sleep. Yesterday was also my parents' 26th Anniversary, so they went out to dinner. I made brownies for my parents and wrote on the sidewalk "Happy 26th Anniversary" and all of that stuff.Today I went shopping with my mom. There are back to school sales everywhere so I'm trying to take advantage of them to buy stuff on my uh.. very tight budget. I ended up getting a sweater coat thingy, a shirt, and three pairs of underwear. Once I get a job I'll work on pants and other necessities. The weather is finally warming up, so I laid out in the sun for a couple of hours. Later I laid in bed for awhile, just kind of felt crappy (damn headaches.. those will probably never go away). My mom woke me up for dinner and was all lets go to a movie, and everyone was like "yeah!" so I got dressed real quick and we went and saw The Others. By the time we got there the previews were rolling and there weren't any good seats left, so we picked the very last row that had 4 seats, but the seat I got was broken so my poor mom had to sit behind us in the handicapped seat. The movie was good, though.The drive home was, of course, eventful. Damn idiots all over the road.. teenagers pulling in front of you. Some idiot drove in front of us to turn into the mall and drove in the exit side, not the entrance side. Who gave that dumbshit a license? Then the light turned green and we were turning, and some asshole started to walk across the street when he had a dead no walk sign. Where do these people come from? Every other person in the world is an asshole. Once we got to our neighborhood we cruised the block to see what was going on.. drove by some jerk's house (he lied to all of our neighbors, it's a long story) and he was standing in his yard so I made faces at him. People in my neighborhood irritate me. Just a bunch of egotistical-over educated-gas guzzling-SUV driving-soccer mommy and daddy-snot nosed brat raising-self absorbed-designer clothes wearing LOSERS who think they are better than everyone else. It's frustrating to live in a society where people don't care for others or follow laws or well.. even act decent.I miss my B. :( Sometimes I feel like I'm a bitch to him.. I get my headaches and it's hot out and I get all irritated and I snap at him.. makes me feel really bad. He treats me so wonderfully.*Pay more. Expect less. State Farm.*

Oops.. lost a week or two

I haven't written lately, mostly because not much has been going on. Just my usual school/home routine. This is my last week of Summer classes. My instructor finished both of her lectures today, so there's no class tomorrow (which gives me a chance to do some serious studying.) Finals are on Thursday and then I'm done. If I get A's on both of my remaining finals there's a good chance I can 4.0 in all three of my classes, so I'm aiming for that. This week we have had some interesting topics of discussion.. one day in my Sexuality class we even watched some porn clips. Very interesting.My brother mentioned to me that he hates it when I talk to people about him, so after this entry I will probably be mentioning him very little, or not at all. On Friday he went in for jaw surgery. I was scared for him, and he was a little nervous, but not doing as bad as I would have been in his place. We drove downtown and went through the pre-op procedure and then sat in the waiting room. The surgery lasted two hours, and he was then in recovery for one hour. After that they moved him to his room for the night, and my parents, myself, and his girlfriend all went up to see him. He was doing pretty good, still drowsy. His face and lips were really swollen and he had an icepack on his head/face. It was kind of cute though.. he had a tube in his nose for oxygen, and after he fell asleep he was snoring with the tube in his nose. Kind of weird.We left at 9:30 that night and returned at 7:45 the next morning. Checked him out at about 11:30. He said during the night he had nice nurses, except for one rude one that ripped the icepack off of his head and just made a lot of noise in his room. He had to use the bathroom around 1 am, but instead of calling the bitch nurse he said he just moved his tray, got out of bed, and dragged his IV behind him to the bathroom. Once we got him home we propped him up on the couch. In order to eat he had to squirt liquid into his mouth with a needle that has a plastic tip on the end. By the end of the day he was eating soft foods like applesauce and could even sip from a cup. I was pretty amazed. So.. he's just been sitting on the couch watching movie after movie. Swelling has gone down a lot. His woman is over here every day babying him. She had a procedure done on her foot today, so when I got home from class there were two little patients sitting in my family room.My dad finally wrote to State Farm (::coughcoughgag::) complaining about the service we received and the amount charged for car insurance. Our agent sent a letter back that basically said "sorry sorry sorry", but that's all bs and doesn't change anything now, does it? So I plan on writing complaint letters of my own, and mailing them off to the appropriate agencies. I get so sick of these companies ripping people off, especially when they've been "valued clients" for 25 years and no one in the family has any accidents or tickets. Little goody goody drivers.. and in the end does it matter? No. Because insurance companies don't care AT ALL about the health or well-being of their customers.I get so sick of drivers acting like shitheads. Cutting me off, pulling out in front of me. Yesterday I was waiting to turn onto 99 and some bitch pulled out from behind me and went around, when our lane has to wait because the opposite lane has the right away. I was like fucking bitch.. I wanted to go ram into her car. I am really, really irritated with driving and cars and people.Lately the weather hasn't been too great. Not the usual Summer we experience around here. Kind of medium temps and clouds. Blah. So much for my tan. ;PB is doing okay.. just moving along. Things aren't great with him, but they've been worse. Yesterday we were talking about schools and where he would transfer up here, so I'm going to try and send some school catalogs for him to look at. I always feel like he isn't be taken very good care of, so I try and take the best care of him I can. It just sucks that I can't do the mommy/homemaker thing yet and fuss over everything.*Pay more. Expect less. State Farm.*